(Note: this page is intended for Christians; if you are not a Christian you are free to read but this page is not intended for you)
Luke 17:3
“If your brother or sister…repent, forgive them.”
Nothing in the Christian life-changing journey is quite as difficult and yet essential to peace as forgiving someone who has done you wrong. But before we know the importance of forgiveness, we need to know what exactly forgiveness is:
To forgive someone means to:
“Stop feeling anger, stop blaming, and/or to stop requiring payment [of money or something else] that is owed toward someone who has done something wrong to you…” [1]
So, forgiveness is stopping all resentment, hard-feelings, and a sense that the person who has done you wrong owes you something in return, and just letting it all go; like nothing ever happened.
This is forgiveness.
And it should sound familiar since forgiveness was a major part of you being saved:
In fact, that what it was mainly about!
So, with this in mind, what does God have to say about Christians (people who have been forgiven by God for their sins against him) forgiving others who have personally done them wrong?
Luke 17:3
"If your brother or sister sins against you (does something wrong to you)...,and if they repent (say their sorry to you and that they will try not do it again) forgive them."
It’s important to note Brother or sister, in this context, means a fellow disciple: or in this case another fellow Christian. So, Jesus says, if a fellow Christian does something wrong to you and then says their sorry and repents from what they did, you are commanded by Jesus to forgive them!
Jesus says Christians forgive those that sin against them, he speaks almost like you should do it anyway:
Luke 11:4
";we [Christians] also forgive everyone who sins against us."
Matthew 6:12
"We also have forgiven our debtors(those that owe a debt or apology to you)."
Jesus’s example of forgiveness:
Being Christians, we should look to Jesus first to see his example of forgiveness
In the New Testament during Jesus ministry, we see Jesus forgave sins of those people who repented; we see that Jesus forgave people who had sinned against God that came to him to receive forgiveness, and he did forgive them:
Mark 2:5
“When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”
Luke 7:37-38
“A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.(She was obviously very sorry for her sins against God and this was her way of repenting to Jesus)”
Luke 7:48
“Then Jesus said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’ ”
Finally, When Jesus was being crucified by the Romans and Jews alike, he said this about them:
Luke 23:34
"’Father,forgive them,for they do not know what they are doing.’And they divided up his clothes and casted lots."
Jesus, even when they were ignorant that they were sinning and doing wrong by murdering him Jesus tries to forgive them for their wrongdoing that they are ignorant about and even tries to tell Father God to forgive them on his behalf because they are ignorant of what they are doing!
Now that is some really hard forgiveness!!! Forgiving the ones that are trying to beat you and kill you that don’t know any better than doing their job.
We see Jesus was very forgiving of others considering their situation and especially forgiving those who repented.
The Bible further commands Christians to forgive other Christians. Most importantly reminding Christians to do so just like God forgave them of their sins!
Ephesians 4:32
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other in Christ as God forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone (if a Christian has a grudge against another fellow Christian for something they did against you). Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
So, it’s obvious by these statements that forgiveness is not only important for a Christian to do it is also required for all Christians to forgive, it’s not an option! And the reason for the importance of Christian forgiveness is stated: Christians are to forgive others BECAUSE that is the whole reason you were saved! All because God forgave you of your sins (wrongs) against him!
Jesus also stated this for the reason for forgiving:
Luke 11:4
“ Forgive us our sins,for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.”
Matthew 6:12
“ And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
The reason Christians are to forgive is obvious: Because God forgave them! So because God has forgiven you because you have repented, you are now required to forgive others who repent to you!
This is the Basic standard of forgiveness of all Christian: to forgive as God forgave you!
Ephesians 4:32
“…,forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13
“…Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
We are to forgive like Jesus/God forgives us!
What would happen though, if a Christian deliberately chooses not to forgive another fellow Christian even after that Christian said they were sorry and they would never do it again? Jesus tells and warns exactly about this: unforgiving Christians who refuse to forgive others and still hold a grudge against them:
Matthew 6:14-15
“…if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
So, if an unforgiving Christian refuses to forgive then God will do the exact same to them: he will no longer forgive their sins and will hold it against them! This is obviously a very dangerous situation to be in! Because, as you should know by now, when you have unforgiven sins you have trouble with God, and when you have trouble with God he becomes your enemy and judges and condemns you! (Like you were never saved to begin with!)
Jesus tells a story to tell why God will punish unforgiving Christians this way:
Matthew 18:23-34
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.”
Jesus ends the story with justifying his point:
Matthew 18:35
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you (Like the king did; speaking to his Disciples: Christians!) unless you forgive your brother or sister (Fellow Christians) from your heart.”
So how we forgive is related to how God will forgive us! So God/Jesus takes this unforgiveness so seriously in a saved Christian that Jesus tells that if any Christian is not willing to forgive people who have wronged them, like they did God, then God WILL NOT FORGIVE THEIR SINS!!!
This is called Forgiveness hypocrisy
And it is possibly the greatest hypocrisy a Christian could commit
Now hypocrisy alone is a terrible sin in itself, let alone disobeying Jesus/God’s command to forgive others like he forgave you.
Unforgiveness is therefore, one of the worst sins a Christian can commit because not only is it hypocritical and disobedient it’s very DANGEROUS for you! Because it puts you where you were, once again: in danger of being unsaved and unforgiven by God who will now begin to hold your sins accountable once again and you will be endanger of hellfire!!!
So if you’re holding a grudge(s) against someone else who has said sorry to you and will try to never wrong you again then I want you to know you are IN BIG TROUBLE WITH GOD!!! IF YOU HAVE A GRUDGE IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!!
Jesus also summarizes this concept again in
Luke 6:37
“…Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Jesus even says if you’re even about to pray to God and have unforgiveness towards anyone, you are to immediately stop praying and forgive them so that God will forgive you of your sins!
Mark 11:25
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
So, you want to be forgiven/remain forgiven of your sins towards God (and thus remain saved)? And do you want others to forgive you when you do wrong?
If you do, then you need to forgive others who have done you wrong!
This is why Jesus says make sure to forgive them!
Luke 17:3
“So watch yourselves (Be careful about this): If your brother or sister sins against you (does something wrong to you),…and if they repent (say their sorry and try to not do it again), forgive them.”
You might say “Well what they did to me was so horrible, it’s unforgivable” but ask yourself: what if God was like that? What if you committed a sin so vile even if you asked for forgiveness and genuinely would never do it again, but he would refuse because it was so evil! If that were the case, there would be some people who were going to hell even if they were sorry that would be horrible!
But he is not like that, there is no sin too horrible/evil that he cannot forgive, and since that is to be our standard then there is no wrong so horrible that you can’t/shouldn’t forgive the other person, even if the other person murdered your loved one(s) you are still to forgive them! God is not going to take that as an appropriate excuse, he holds it against you! No matter how horrible of a sin it was!
You also might say “Okay, I want to forgive but I don’t think I really can it’s too hard for me.” This is a problem many people face, even Christians, when forgiving others. They want to forgive, and the other person wants to be forgiven, but what they did was so horrible and/or it’s really hard to forget and forgive the wrong, even if you really want to it seems almost impossible. If this is you, it’s okay! The very fact that you want to forgive is a good sign! The point is, you're willing to try to forgive (God will not hold that against you); not that you will do if perfectly, especially if you’re not use to forgiving.
However, you need to at least try to forgive the other person first by saying “I forgive you” and then when you see them/remember their wrong that you have forgiven them of, try not to get angry or treat/ avoid the other person with contempt.
I realize the first part of this is the easiest what comes after is the hard part: trying to forget their wrongdoing and especially trying to not let it make you angry and let that anger causes you to look/treat the other person with anger or contemp. This is the hard part, because depending on the wrong they committed and your memory/personality it might be harder to forget a wrong and ultimately to stop feeling anger/contempt towards the other person.
And remember you might not forgive perfectly the first time(s) but it will get easier and easier as you get in the habit and as the Holy Spirit changes your nature. Here are some ways to make the hard part of forgiveness easier and make the forgiveness untimely genuine and last.
If/when you see the person you have forgiven and/or remember their wrong that you forgave them of and it makes you angry or that anger makes you want to treat that person with anger or avoid them. Just try to remind yourself that they have repented: they were really sorry for how they did you wrong and if they could they would go back in time and make sure they never had done it in the first place. But that is not possible, you have to remember that. Also remember they're a changed person (or trying to be a changed person) like you, that was their old actions hopefully there trying to live a new life by not repeating the same wrong and it’s not likely to happen again, with all that in mind the forgiven wrong should not make you angry anymore like it did before and definitely should not make you treat the person in anger.
Since you have forgiven, you should try to make new memories of a more positive relationship since there’s no reason to treat the person with anger or shun them anymore. Even if you’re not the closest of friends just by saying hi or making your next interaction positive can be a start for burying out of your memory the forgiven wrong (even if you think of it in the future, it should make you less angry eventually). Make the effort to have the former relationship you had before or a better relationship you never had.
Depending on the type of wrong committed against you/how you take certain wrongs it might be really hard to forgive and forget a particular wrong or wrongs against you, and the steps above have not helped, then you need to talk to God about the it in prayer. You should tell God that you have told the other person they are forgiven, and you are genuinely trying to forgive them, but you just don’t have the strength to forgive them on your own or just can seem to let go of the wrong. Ask him to help you let go through the power of the Holy Spirit to have the power to forgive. And in time you will be able to truly forgive and forget the wrong.
Jesus would not command the impossible for us, if he says we can do it then, we can do it! no matter who we are or how bad the wrong is. And remember the punishment: if you don’t forgive you won’t be forgiven! (This should be a real motivator!)
After you have forgiven someone of a wrong what about in the very same day, they do it again and say their sorry again? What about if they do a wrong again you 5 more times in a day? Should you still forgive them? Is there a limit of how many times you can forgive someone of a wrong against you in just a day? The same question was asked by Peter:
Matthew 18:21-22
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven (70X7 that’s 409 times!).’”
So, Jesus is not necessarily saying the limit of forgiveness is 409 times per day, he is making a point: you shouldn’t just forgive 5 times a day or 7 times a day, really your forgiving should be exponential (limitless) it should have no limit: anytime someone (especially a fellow Christian) does a wrong against you and repents you are required and should forgive them, no matter if they do it 409 times in a day!
Jesus makes the same point in another passage:
Luke 17:4
“Even if they sin against you (Does something wrong to you) seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
So, no matter how many times someone does you wrong and wants forgiveness in a day you must forgive them, no matter how horrible or how many times they do it.
So, we know by now when someone does wrong against you and says their sorry and repents (especially if their Christian) we are required to forgive them and no matter how many times the same person does a wrong if they come back and repent, we are also required to be limitless in forgiveness. However, what about people who did us wrong and do not repent? How about those who did us wrong and are not even sorry or even realize what they did was wrong? Should we forgive everyone who does us wrong in every situation? This is a serious and very important question seeing how important forgiveness is to Christians and God. So, we need to know the answer to this; what does the Bible say about the limit to forgiveness?
Sources:
[1]
Merriam-Webster Dictionary “forgive”
Website: